Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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