So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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