It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
