is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
