how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
