this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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