I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
