you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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