your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
