I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
