where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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