Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
