last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
