i think my tv is drunk
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
