I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
