I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
