Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
