I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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