I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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