I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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