oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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