Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
