i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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