i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
