i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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