WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
