Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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