Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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