he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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