You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
