I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you inspire me to be a worse person
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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