haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
