stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
