chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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