I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
