my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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