what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
