i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
