Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
