While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
