I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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