I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
