I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
