i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
