what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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