My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
