sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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