I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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