Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
