people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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