don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize