I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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