i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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